An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the
streets and bars of Dublin one unemployed afternoon. Walking down Dawson
Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window %26#039;Pianist wanted for
evening performances%26#039;.
%26#039;Fu**ing get in there you c*nt!%26#039; he says to himself and goes to the bar.
%26#039;Get the fu**ing manager of this pigs s*it middle class w*nk hole please
you c*nt%26#039;, he says to a somewhat startled barman. The barman however
obliges and his manager comes upstairs. %26#039;Can I help you sir?%26#039; he says
%26#039;Yes you can you fat piece of s*it, I saw your poxy advert in the c*nting
window and I%26#039;m here to audition.....w*nker.%26#039;
The manager is naturally put off by the man%26#039;s abrasive manner but his dire
need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The
first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too
involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries,
%26#039;Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?%26#039;
%26#039;That song, you big nosed tw*t, was called %26quot;Excuse me prime minister but I
just j*zzed in your daughter%26#039;s eye, and now the c*nts blind...%26#039;
%26#039;Oh%26#039; says the manager %26#039;err, can you play me another. Something a little
less %26quot;lively%26quot;.%26#039;
%26#039;W*nker..%26#039; interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad
which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty teardrops
asks him the title.
%26#039;That little number was called %26quot;Sometimes when you do a bird up the sh*t
box you get cr*p on your bell end.%26#039;
%26#039;I see%26#039; says the manager, %26#039;Have you got any songs with less offensive
titles?%26#039;
%26#039;Well there%26#039;s my jazz number %26quot;Do you want me to split your r*ngpiece%26quot;, or
there%26#039;s the epic %26quot;I don%26#039;t care if you%26#039;re older my dear, you%26#039;ve still got
nice jugs%26quot;.
%26#039;Look%26#039; says the manager interrupting, %26#039;I think you%26#039;re a superb pianist but
the title of your songs are a little %26quot;racy%26quot;. I will hire you on the
condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience.%26#039;
%26#039;**** it%26#039; says the pianist %26#039;Why not%26#039;.
On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd are lapping up
his repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty. The only
thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous
blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the
tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and
inviting cleavage. During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking
hard on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out.
Just as he has shot his muck he hears himself being re-introduced over the
tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act. After the
show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him.%26#039;Hi%26#039; she
says. %26#039;Hello%26#039; he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives.
She leans over and whispers in his ear, %26#039;Do you know your c*ck is hanging
out of your trousers, and sp*nk is dribbling onto your shoes?%26#039;
%26#039;Know it?%26#039;
says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently,
%26#039;I f*cking wrote it !!!%26#039;
Afflicted ?
Ha ha ha.!!!
Very good.!!!
10/10.!!!
Still smiling here, Cheers.!!!
Reply:Thanks people. Report It
Reply:LOL nice one
Reply:Ha!
Reply:lol
Reply:ha ha ha v good,,,,
hot model
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Dream about a molester?
I dreamt that my parents and I had gone out to a man%26#039;s house for dinner and after we went downstairs where he had lots of games and toys and fun stuff. I didn%26#039;t feel odd at that time because my parents were there. The next day in my dream, I went to his house and my mom was getting out to the car but I rushed to the door to show off my new dress, and he didn%26#039;t comment he just said %26quot;Why don%26#039;t you go downstairs to the basement%26quot; I felt a little skeptical but was half way down, until he said %26quot;Actually, let%26#039;s go upstairs to do what we want%26quot; I got scared and ran out the door without my shoes and ran to my mom who asked me what was wrong, and I poured it out to my mom. I then woke up and my heart was racing, I was scared and in reality I ran to my mom and I spent even the next night hugging my mom. (I%26#039;m not a baby, I%26#039;m not a young child, I%26#039;m just scared) What could it mean?
Dream about a molester?
maybe your just scared that something like this would ever happen.
Reply:watch your back, sometimes i have dreams and then months later they actually happen. I believe it%26#039;s called a premonition.
Reply:i think it%26#039;s a very real and honest, a reasonable fear that any young woman can have. it%26#039;s the reality that hits you with maturity, that as a person, you cannot have the protection of someone like your parents at all times; there are times when you might find yourself alone. the good news is that whether or not you realize it, you%26#039;ve spent your whole life learning to distinguish between the good and possibly bad... finding ways to avoid ever being in a situation that leaves you feeling vulnerable like that. it can be very rewarding to stay trusting, it%26#039;s just a tough fact of life that you can%26#039;t give that trust to everybody. but don%26#039;t let that get you down - you already know better than you might believe whom to trust. know what%26#039;s out there and keep leaning towards those that%26#039;ll treat you right. and treat them right in kind. and that ugly situation that you dreamt will hopefully, probably stay just as that: a bad dream.
Reply:Maybe that was something that happened. Like when you were a young child.
Reply:Maybe your learning a secret inner fear???
Reply:Maybe deep down you fear this will happen.
Maybe its your body sending you siignals to stay away from him, and not be alone with him
Reply:thats a little weird. you didnt actually dream about being melesded.... just thought u were. My opinion would be that youre close to your mom. Your unconsiciouss is just reflecting on how you truely feel. Thats just my opinion though. There are a lot of websites that explain dreams like that though. Just google %26quot;dreams%26quot;. Hope i helped! :)
Reply:Nothing. You just had a scary dream. I%26#039;m sorry you had it!! It made me scared just reading it!!
Good Night!! Sweet dreams!! *you%26#039;ll need it*
♥hugz♥
%26lt;3 Tori!!
Reply:it means you better keep your windows locked at night.
;)
Reply:Freudian analysis would say that basement represents childhood, while the man and upstairs represents adulthood and sexuality. You are afraid of making the transition, still wanting toys and fun stuff in the basement, but you know that you have to move beyond your parents, and grow up in a world that is uncertain and threatening, as represented by the man.
Alternatively, it%26#039;s just a dream, don%26#039;t worry about it.
Reply:That you%26#039;re crazy.
That%26#039;s what it means.
Reply:Not all dreams mean something or will really happen. If they do, it%26#039;s usually just a coincidence. I had a dream last night that I was an riding a dragon on my way to the arcade, so no need to freak out. =]
Reply:your just scared maybe. or maybe to watch out
Reply:Be careful about what you%26#039;re going to be doing the next few days. . Your dream is just trying to warn you that something/someone is coming in your way and will try to trick you. . whatever it is. . be smart and think twice b4 doing anything!
Good luck. .
Reply:I had a dream about a molester once, except Chris from family guy was being molested. It was even more horrible than your dream.
I do not know what it could mean, but I suggest you calm down and stop worrying about it so much. I%26#039;ve had scary dreams one night, even night terrors, and wake up in the morning bright as sunshine. Everything will be okay.
dance steps
Dream about a molester?
maybe your just scared that something like this would ever happen.
Reply:watch your back, sometimes i have dreams and then months later they actually happen. I believe it%26#039;s called a premonition.
Reply:i think it%26#039;s a very real and honest, a reasonable fear that any young woman can have. it%26#039;s the reality that hits you with maturity, that as a person, you cannot have the protection of someone like your parents at all times; there are times when you might find yourself alone. the good news is that whether or not you realize it, you%26#039;ve spent your whole life learning to distinguish between the good and possibly bad... finding ways to avoid ever being in a situation that leaves you feeling vulnerable like that. it can be very rewarding to stay trusting, it%26#039;s just a tough fact of life that you can%26#039;t give that trust to everybody. but don%26#039;t let that get you down - you already know better than you might believe whom to trust. know what%26#039;s out there and keep leaning towards those that%26#039;ll treat you right. and treat them right in kind. and that ugly situation that you dreamt will hopefully, probably stay just as that: a bad dream.
Reply:Maybe that was something that happened. Like when you were a young child.
Reply:Maybe your learning a secret inner fear???
Reply:Maybe deep down you fear this will happen.
Maybe its your body sending you siignals to stay away from him, and not be alone with him
Reply:thats a little weird. you didnt actually dream about being melesded.... just thought u were. My opinion would be that youre close to your mom. Your unconsiciouss is just reflecting on how you truely feel. Thats just my opinion though. There are a lot of websites that explain dreams like that though. Just google %26quot;dreams%26quot;. Hope i helped! :)
Reply:Nothing. You just had a scary dream. I%26#039;m sorry you had it!! It made me scared just reading it!!
Good Night!! Sweet dreams!! *you%26#039;ll need it*
♥hugz♥
%26lt;3 Tori!!
Reply:it means you better keep your windows locked at night.
;)
Reply:Freudian analysis would say that basement represents childhood, while the man and upstairs represents adulthood and sexuality. You are afraid of making the transition, still wanting toys and fun stuff in the basement, but you know that you have to move beyond your parents, and grow up in a world that is uncertain and threatening, as represented by the man.
Alternatively, it%26#039;s just a dream, don%26#039;t worry about it.
Reply:That you%26#039;re crazy.
That%26#039;s what it means.
Reply:Not all dreams mean something or will really happen. If they do, it%26#039;s usually just a coincidence. I had a dream last night that I was an riding a dragon on my way to the arcade, so no need to freak out. =]
Reply:your just scared maybe. or maybe to watch out
Reply:Be careful about what you%26#039;re going to be doing the next few days. . Your dream is just trying to warn you that something/someone is coming in your way and will try to trick you. . whatever it is. . be smart and think twice b4 doing anything!
Good luck. .
Reply:I had a dream about a molester once, except Chris from family guy was being molested. It was even more horrible than your dream.
I do not know what it could mean, but I suggest you calm down and stop worrying about it so much. I%26#039;ve had scary dreams one night, even night terrors, and wake up in the morning bright as sunshine. Everything will be okay.
dance steps
Is there a difference?
between buying at a more %26#039;upscale%26#039; tuxedo rental place (like Men%26#039;s Warehouse, $160 per tux) versus one that I saw at the corner store in the mall ($100 per tux)? Both places say that they include shoes, alterations, everything. Is there a difference of material, comfortability, quality between the two?
I mean, I understand why some bride%26#039;s dresses cost more than other...length of material, complexity, fabrics, etc. But is there a reason there is such a big difference for suits, other than brand name?
Is there a difference?
Remember the corner store alterations are done on their time and may not be ready for the date. Men%26#039;s Warehouse deals with these issues all the time and therefore there is a much less chance of not being ready when needed.
Also Men%26#039;s Warehouse has other stores where the tux can come from if they do not have it in stock, the corner store would have to rely on the manufacturer to send it in time and hope that they are not out of stock as well.
Tuxes can have different grades to them from the same designer just as the wedding gowns.
Reply:It honestly depends on the brand and quality of the tuxes at that particular corner store. There%26#039;s a couple different independent tux shops in my city and they vary considerably on quality and price. Men%26#039;s Warehouse has nice tuxes but they also pay a lot for advertising, so that could be one reason they%26#039;re more expensive.
Reply:There could be a difference. At the corner store, you may only be able to pick from one or two styles. But, at a place like Men%26#039;s Warehouse, you%26#039;ve got an assortment of colors, textures, fabrics, styles and such.
Plus, there can be a difference in quality from a generic suit (maybe found at the corner store) and say a Calvin Klein or a Tommy Hilfinger suit.
Reply:there is no difference. you pay more for the name of where you are renting it. I live in new york and i found a place that rents tuxedo%26#039;s for $85 dollars. believe me while planning a wedding you realize that by saying the word %26quot;wedding%26quot; or by buying in known names places you are paying double.
Reply:If you have any out of state groomsmen, using the corner store may be difficult for them to get their measurements and everything in time for the wedding. I%26#039;ve used both local places and places like Men%26#039;s wharehouse and I did not experience a huge difference in quality or service, but smaller shops may not have as great a variety in styles and colors.
Reply:ok I%26#039;ve been here. There is a difference. like homie said b4 me. material, style and more. you can find alot of the same tux%26#039;s at the smaller corner spots for alot less. But sometimes at either place they may need a little pressure to get the tux%26#039;s in the stores. expecially during homecomming and prom seasons. expecially at the big chains. since they warehouse all their stuff off site.
Reply:Different fabrics, cuts, styles, and names for the tuxes too.
Reply:Yes, there%26#039;s a difference in tuxedoes. You mentioned material, comfortability, and quality. The main thing I would be concerned about is the cut! Designer tuxes generally have a better cut. You don%26#039;t want the groom to look like he%26#039;s wearing his father%26#039;s tux. My husband has a very slim frame and he wanted something that looked sleek not bulky. Instead of buying, he rented though. The price for renting a designer label was not bad (I think he got Ralph Lauren). The other thing is a tux that looks too much like a prom tux rather than a wedding/adult tux. So definitely, have the groom try a bunch on from both places...find a style that looks sophisticated and really fits.
discount makeup
I mean, I understand why some bride%26#039;s dresses cost more than other...length of material, complexity, fabrics, etc. But is there a reason there is such a big difference for suits, other than brand name?
Is there a difference?
Remember the corner store alterations are done on their time and may not be ready for the date. Men%26#039;s Warehouse deals with these issues all the time and therefore there is a much less chance of not being ready when needed.
Also Men%26#039;s Warehouse has other stores where the tux can come from if they do not have it in stock, the corner store would have to rely on the manufacturer to send it in time and hope that they are not out of stock as well.
Tuxes can have different grades to them from the same designer just as the wedding gowns.
Reply:It honestly depends on the brand and quality of the tuxes at that particular corner store. There%26#039;s a couple different independent tux shops in my city and they vary considerably on quality and price. Men%26#039;s Warehouse has nice tuxes but they also pay a lot for advertising, so that could be one reason they%26#039;re more expensive.
Reply:There could be a difference. At the corner store, you may only be able to pick from one or two styles. But, at a place like Men%26#039;s Warehouse, you%26#039;ve got an assortment of colors, textures, fabrics, styles and such.
Plus, there can be a difference in quality from a generic suit (maybe found at the corner store) and say a Calvin Klein or a Tommy Hilfinger suit.
Reply:there is no difference. you pay more for the name of where you are renting it. I live in new york and i found a place that rents tuxedo%26#039;s for $85 dollars. believe me while planning a wedding you realize that by saying the word %26quot;wedding%26quot; or by buying in known names places you are paying double.
Reply:If you have any out of state groomsmen, using the corner store may be difficult for them to get their measurements and everything in time for the wedding. I%26#039;ve used both local places and places like Men%26#039;s wharehouse and I did not experience a huge difference in quality or service, but smaller shops may not have as great a variety in styles and colors.
Reply:ok I%26#039;ve been here. There is a difference. like homie said b4 me. material, style and more. you can find alot of the same tux%26#039;s at the smaller corner spots for alot less. But sometimes at either place they may need a little pressure to get the tux%26#039;s in the stores. expecially during homecomming and prom seasons. expecially at the big chains. since they warehouse all their stuff off site.
Reply:Different fabrics, cuts, styles, and names for the tuxes too.
Reply:Yes, there%26#039;s a difference in tuxedoes. You mentioned material, comfortability, and quality. The main thing I would be concerned about is the cut! Designer tuxes generally have a better cut. You don%26#039;t want the groom to look like he%26#039;s wearing his father%26#039;s tux. My husband has a very slim frame and he wanted something that looked sleek not bulky. Instead of buying, he rented though. The price for renting a designer label was not bad (I think he got Ralph Lauren). The other thing is a tux that looks too much like a prom tux rather than a wedding/adult tux. So definitely, have the groom try a bunch on from both places...find a style that looks sophisticated and really fits.
discount makeup
Well worth a read ...........lol?
An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the
streets and bars of Dublin one unemployed afternoon. Walking down Dawson
Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window %26#039;Pianist wanted for
evening performances%26#039;.
%26#039;Fu**ing get in there you c*nt!%26#039; he says to himself and goes to the bar.
%26#039;Get the fu**ing manager of this pigs s*it middle class w*nk hole please
you c*nt%26#039;, he says to a somewhat startled barman. The barman however
obliges and his manager comes upstairs. %26#039;Can I help you sir?%26#039; he says
%26#039;Yes you can you fat piece of s*it, I saw your poxy advert in the c*nting
window and I%26#039;m here to audition.....w*nker.%26#039;
The manager is naturally put off by the man%26#039;s abrasive manner but his dire
need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The
first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too
involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries,
%26#039;Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?%26#039;
%26#039;That song, you big nosed tw*t, was called %26quot;Excuse me prime minister but I
just j*zzed in your daughter%26#039;s eye, and now the c*nts blind...%26#039;
%26#039;Oh%26#039; says the manager %26#039;err, can you play me another. Something a little
less %26quot;lively%26quot;.%26#039;
%26#039;W*nker..%26#039; interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad
which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty teardrops
asks him the title.
%26#039;That little number was called %26quot;Sometimes when you do a bird up the sh*t
box you get cr*p on your bell end.%26#039;
%26#039;I see%26#039; says the manager, %26#039;Have you got any songs with less offensive
titles?%26#039;
%26#039;Well there%26#039;s my jazz number %26quot;Do you want me to split your r*ngpiece%26quot;, or
there%26#039;s the epic %26quot;I don%26#039;t care if you%26#039;re older my dear, you%26#039;ve still got
nice jugs%26quot;.
%26#039;Look%26#039; says the manager interrupting, %26#039;I think you%26#039;re a superb pianist but
the title of your songs are a little %26quot;racy%26quot;. I will hire you on the
condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience.%26#039;
%26#039;**** it%26#039; says the pianist %26#039;Why not%26#039;.
On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd are lapping up
his repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty. The only
thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous
blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the
tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and
inviting cleavage. During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking
hard on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out.
Just as he has shot his muck he hears himself being re-introduced over the
tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act. After the
show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him.%26#039;Hi%26#039; she
says. %26#039;Hello%26#039; he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives.
She leans over and whispers in his ear, %26#039;Do you know your c*ck is hanging
out of your trousers, and sp*nk is dribbling onto your shoes?%26#039;
%26#039;Know it?%26#039;
says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently,
%26#039;I f*cking wrote it !!!%26#039;
Well worth a read ...........lol?
ROFL
Reply:not funny
Reply:My that was a long 1, but so fuking funny
Reply:Thanks A**hole. I laughed so f***ing much I just sh*t myself. C*nt
Reply:well .lol
Reply:omg that was rude and nasty.....but it was funny....lol......star...
Reply:lmfao
Reply:ROFL Wow...
Reply:Funny! 10!
Reply:ha ha ha funny
thanks for a laugh
10/10
Reply:it wasn%26#039;t worth me reading really.....
Reply:A little long don%26#039;t you think?
Reply:I wish I spent my time another way.
Reply:lol funny as
Reply:fu*kin funny lol you funny c*nt
Reply:I f*cking loved it you c*ck sucker, made me laugh out loud you tw@t!
Reply:LMFAOOOO!
Reply:LMFAO to the 50th power!!!!
Reply:ha ha ha that was so funny im *ucking pissing meself ha ha
Reply:pmsl
Reply:I gave you a star, honey, good one and thanks for writing it for it was long and you had to edit it yourself. You deserve that star.
Reply:i could barely understand any of that re-read what you type
Reply:Oldie but goodie lol
sunburns
streets and bars of Dublin one unemployed afternoon. Walking down Dawson
Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window %26#039;Pianist wanted for
evening performances%26#039;.
%26#039;Fu**ing get in there you c*nt!%26#039; he says to himself and goes to the bar.
%26#039;Get the fu**ing manager of this pigs s*it middle class w*nk hole please
you c*nt%26#039;, he says to a somewhat startled barman. The barman however
obliges and his manager comes upstairs. %26#039;Can I help you sir?%26#039; he says
%26#039;Yes you can you fat piece of s*it, I saw your poxy advert in the c*nting
window and I%26#039;m here to audition.....w*nker.%26#039;
The manager is naturally put off by the man%26#039;s abrasive manner but his dire
need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The
first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too
involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries,
%26#039;Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?%26#039;
%26#039;That song, you big nosed tw*t, was called %26quot;Excuse me prime minister but I
just j*zzed in your daughter%26#039;s eye, and now the c*nts blind...%26#039;
%26#039;Oh%26#039; says the manager %26#039;err, can you play me another. Something a little
less %26quot;lively%26quot;.%26#039;
%26#039;W*nker..%26#039; interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad
which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty teardrops
asks him the title.
%26#039;That little number was called %26quot;Sometimes when you do a bird up the sh*t
box you get cr*p on your bell end.%26#039;
%26#039;I see%26#039; says the manager, %26#039;Have you got any songs with less offensive
titles?%26#039;
%26#039;Well there%26#039;s my jazz number %26quot;Do you want me to split your r*ngpiece%26quot;, or
there%26#039;s the epic %26quot;I don%26#039;t care if you%26#039;re older my dear, you%26#039;ve still got
nice jugs%26quot;.
%26#039;Look%26#039; says the manager interrupting, %26#039;I think you%26#039;re a superb pianist but
the title of your songs are a little %26quot;racy%26quot;. I will hire you on the
condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience.%26#039;
%26#039;**** it%26#039; says the pianist %26#039;Why not%26#039;.
On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd are lapping up
his repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty. The only
thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous
blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the
tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and
inviting cleavage. During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking
hard on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out.
Just as he has shot his muck he hears himself being re-introduced over the
tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act. After the
show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him.%26#039;Hi%26#039; she
says. %26#039;Hello%26#039; he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives.
She leans over and whispers in his ear, %26#039;Do you know your c*ck is hanging
out of your trousers, and sp*nk is dribbling onto your shoes?%26#039;
%26#039;Know it?%26#039;
says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently,
%26#039;I f*cking wrote it !!!%26#039;
Well worth a read ...........lol?
ROFL
Reply:not funny
Reply:My that was a long 1, but so fuking funny
Reply:Thanks A**hole. I laughed so f***ing much I just sh*t myself. C*nt
Reply:well .lol
Reply:omg that was rude and nasty.....but it was funny....lol......star...
Reply:lmfao
Reply:ROFL Wow...
Reply:Funny! 10!
Reply:ha ha ha funny
thanks for a laugh
10/10
Reply:it wasn%26#039;t worth me reading really.....
Reply:A little long don%26#039;t you think?
Reply:I wish I spent my time another way.
Reply:lol funny as
Reply:fu*kin funny lol you funny c*nt
Reply:I f*cking loved it you c*ck sucker, made me laugh out loud you tw@t!
Reply:LMFAOOOO!
Reply:LMFAO to the 50th power!!!!
Reply:ha ha ha that was so funny im *ucking pissing meself ha ha
Reply:pmsl
Reply:I gave you a star, honey, good one and thanks for writing it for it was long and you had to edit it yourself. You deserve that star.
Reply:i could barely understand any of that re-read what you type
Reply:Oldie but goodie lol
sunburns
Is it a man's world?
Your last name stays put.The garage is all yours.Wedding plans take care of themselves.Chocolate is just another snack.You can be president.You can never be pregnant.You can wear a white T-shirt to the water park.You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.The world%26#039;s your urinal.Same work, more pay.Wrinkles add character.Wedding dress £2000, wedding Tux £50.People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.Phone conversations are over in 30secs flat.A 5day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.Your underwear is £5.50 for a 3pack.You only have to shave your face %26amp; neck.You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.You can do your nails with a pocket knife.You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.Your belly usually hides your big hips.New shoes don%26#039;t cut,blister or mangle your feet.The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.You can do Xmas shopping for 25relatives on 24th Dec in 25mins WHO WOULD WANT TO BE A MAN??
Is it a man%26#039;s world?
Your right fidgety.
We never have to worry about other people%26#039;s feelings.
Reverse parking is easy.
Foreplay is optional.
Flowers fix everything.
You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
One mood all the time.
You don%26#039;t care a dam if no-one notices your new haircut.
Window shopping is what you do when you buy windows.
You don%26#039;t have to clean your house if the meter reader%26#039;s coming by.
Grey hair and wrinkles add character.
You can quietly watch a game on tv with a mate for hours without ever thinking he%26#039;s mad at you.
Farts are not funny,they are bloody hilarious.
Yes who would want to be a man fidgety?
Reply:Hi Fidgety
Well girl when you put it like that YES very much so. Really funny as i have never saw it like that before. Well done to you girl and a Big Thumbs up
Reply:very very good
Reply:I would take this a LOT more seriously if it weren%26#039;t in the jokes department. lol. bad choice there im afraid. i%26#039;ll tell ya summat tho, if i guy rote a list like this for woman, guarunteed he%26#039;d get called sexist by sumone
Reply:And breath!!!..................
That is all soooooooooooooooo true!!!
Reply:Now a days a woman can keep her last name. You may have the garage but we have the house. Chocolates is for those who appreciate its great qualities. Women can be president. ( Look at the companies that are now run by women, the White House is not far away. You will never know the joy of giving life to a child. T-shirts have no style. Their are women who are car mechanics. WE may get paid less but we do better work. We don%26#039;t piss on the world, we try to make it a better place. Wrinkles we can deal with. Our clothes are better looking than your jean and t-shirts, we take pride in our looks. Men don%26#039;t. We go into detail with out phone conversations. We pack for the unexpected while men muddle along. Our nails are much better looking, not all raggy and rough from %26quot;knife%26quot; trimming. We have manners where you don%26#039;t. We like to look our best and don%26#039;t mind a bit of discomfort to do it. You don%26#039;t give a damn how you look or act. We buy presents with the receiptant in mind you just buy any old thing to get it over with. What is so great being a slob and an inconciderate man.
Reply:I am but a pre-man, not yet feeling the joy and shirtlessness of a man yet.
Reply:All very valid points - and I totally agree with you. However, I do not suffer from p***s envy....I suffer -as I believe you so shrewdly observed above-from privilege envy. I love being a woman - but I wish the world was more equanimous.
Reply:HEE HEE HEE
Reply:hehe true because your a man
Reply:But we still haven%26#039;t managed to print money faster than a woman can spend it!
Reply:men have it so easy!!!!!
Reply:yeah
Reply:Yeah good one
Reply:I don%26#039;t agree with all of that... ESPECIALLY the world being my urinal.
Reply:Men do thier best, women do thiers, we shouldn%26#039;t argue about it, just get on and enjoy each other.
As the song says; %26quot;It would mean nothing without a woman to love.%26quot;
Reply:it is your world
Reply:I know it%26#039;s a crap job , but someone%26#039;s gotta do it !
Reply:Most certainly, always was and will be and they%26#039;ll make sure of it.
Reply:Amen to that. Sing the chorus, bro!
Reply:yeah well your manly *** wouldn%26#039;t be here if it wasn%26#039;t for a woman going through pain to get you here, but men can%26#039;t do that can they?
peeling skin sunburn
Is it a man%26#039;s world?
Your right fidgety.
We never have to worry about other people%26#039;s feelings.
Reverse parking is easy.
Foreplay is optional.
Flowers fix everything.
You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
One mood all the time.
You don%26#039;t care a dam if no-one notices your new haircut.
Window shopping is what you do when you buy windows.
You don%26#039;t have to clean your house if the meter reader%26#039;s coming by.
Grey hair and wrinkles add character.
You can quietly watch a game on tv with a mate for hours without ever thinking he%26#039;s mad at you.
Farts are not funny,they are bloody hilarious.
Yes who would want to be a man fidgety?
Reply:Hi Fidgety
Well girl when you put it like that YES very much so. Really funny as i have never saw it like that before. Well done to you girl and a Big Thumbs up
Reply:very very good
Reply:I would take this a LOT more seriously if it weren%26#039;t in the jokes department. lol. bad choice there im afraid. i%26#039;ll tell ya summat tho, if i guy rote a list like this for woman, guarunteed he%26#039;d get called sexist by sumone
Reply:And breath!!!..................
That is all soooooooooooooooo true!!!
Reply:Now a days a woman can keep her last name. You may have the garage but we have the house. Chocolates is for those who appreciate its great qualities. Women can be president. ( Look at the companies that are now run by women, the White House is not far away. You will never know the joy of giving life to a child. T-shirts have no style. Their are women who are car mechanics. WE may get paid less but we do better work. We don%26#039;t piss on the world, we try to make it a better place. Wrinkles we can deal with. Our clothes are better looking than your jean and t-shirts, we take pride in our looks. Men don%26#039;t. We go into detail with out phone conversations. We pack for the unexpected while men muddle along. Our nails are much better looking, not all raggy and rough from %26quot;knife%26quot; trimming. We have manners where you don%26#039;t. We like to look our best and don%26#039;t mind a bit of discomfort to do it. You don%26#039;t give a damn how you look or act. We buy presents with the receiptant in mind you just buy any old thing to get it over with. What is so great being a slob and an inconciderate man.
Reply:I am but a pre-man, not yet feeling the joy and shirtlessness of a man yet.
Reply:All very valid points - and I totally agree with you. However, I do not suffer from p***s envy....I suffer -as I believe you so shrewdly observed above-from privilege envy. I love being a woman - but I wish the world was more equanimous.
Reply:HEE HEE HEE
Reply:hehe true because your a man
Reply:But we still haven%26#039;t managed to print money faster than a woman can spend it!
Reply:men have it so easy!!!!!
Reply:yeah
Reply:Yeah good one
Reply:I don%26#039;t agree with all of that... ESPECIALLY the world being my urinal.
Reply:Men do thier best, women do thiers, we shouldn%26#039;t argue about it, just get on and enjoy each other.
As the song says; %26quot;It would mean nothing without a woman to love.%26quot;
Reply:it is your world
Reply:I know it%26#039;s a crap job , but someone%26#039;s gotta do it !
Reply:Most certainly, always was and will be and they%26#039;ll make sure of it.
Reply:Amen to that. Sing the chorus, bro!
Reply:yeah well your manly *** wouldn%26#039;t be here if it wasn%26#039;t for a woman going through pain to get you here, but men can%26#039;t do that can they?
peeling skin sunburn
Anyone who speaks Spanish can you help?
Can you translate these six sentences for me? I promise I%26#039;ve already translated them, I just wanna see how close I got to getting them right.
1) Ladies wore platform shoes
2)Ladies wore new types of suits. Sweaters matched skirts and evening dresses.
3)Men wore %26#039;zoot suits%26#039;
4)Boy wore regular jeans and T-shirts
5)Ruffles were on skirt hems, necklines and waists. Blouses had puffy sleeves.
6)Men%26#039;s shirts were made in bright colors. They had hand painted ties.
Anyone who speaks Spanish can you help?
Is it something like this?
1) Las señoras usaron los zapatos de la plataforma que
2) señoras usaron nuevos tipos de juegos. Faldas y vestidos de noche emparejados suéteres.
3) Los hombres usaron el “zoot satisfacen”) a muchacho
4 usaron los pantalones vaqueros regulares y las camisetas 5) colmenas estaban en los dobladillos, los necklines y las cinturas de la falda. Las blusas tenían mangas puffy.
6) Las camisas de los hombres fueron hechas en colores brillantes. Tenían lazos pintados a mano.
Reply:1) damas llevaron zapatos de plataforma 2) Damas llevaron nuevos tipos de juicios. Los suéteres emparejaron vestidos de faldas y tarde. 3) hombres llevaron los %26quot;juicios de zoot%26quot; 4) Chico llevó vaqueros y camisetas regulares
5) Eriza estuvieron en dobladillos de falda, los escotes y las cinturas. Las blusas tuvieron mangas hinchadas. 6) hombres%26#039; camisas de s fueron hechas en colores brillantes. Ellos tuvieron mano corbatas pintadas.
Reply:Check your work here:
Translators:
Babel-fish: http://babelfish.altavista.com/translate...
Merriam-WEBSTER: http://www.m-w.com/store/books_and_cds.h...
peeling skin
1) Ladies wore platform shoes
2)Ladies wore new types of suits. Sweaters matched skirts and evening dresses.
3)Men wore %26#039;zoot suits%26#039;
4)Boy wore regular jeans and T-shirts
5)Ruffles were on skirt hems, necklines and waists. Blouses had puffy sleeves.
6)Men%26#039;s shirts were made in bright colors. They had hand painted ties.
Anyone who speaks Spanish can you help?
Is it something like this?
1) Las señoras usaron los zapatos de la plataforma que
2) señoras usaron nuevos tipos de juegos. Faldas y vestidos de noche emparejados suéteres.
3) Los hombres usaron el “zoot satisfacen”) a muchacho
4 usaron los pantalones vaqueros regulares y las camisetas 5) colmenas estaban en los dobladillos, los necklines y las cinturas de la falda. Las blusas tenían mangas puffy.
6) Las camisas de los hombres fueron hechas en colores brillantes. Tenían lazos pintados a mano.
Reply:1) damas llevaron zapatos de plataforma 2) Damas llevaron nuevos tipos de juicios. Los suéteres emparejaron vestidos de faldas y tarde. 3) hombres llevaron los %26quot;juicios de zoot%26quot; 4) Chico llevó vaqueros y camisetas regulares
5) Eriza estuvieron en dobladillos de falda, los escotes y las cinturas. Las blusas tuvieron mangas hinchadas. 6) hombres%26#039; camisas de s fueron hechas en colores brillantes. Ellos tuvieron mano corbatas pintadas.
Reply:Check your work here:
Translators:
Babel-fish: http://babelfish.altavista.com/translate...
Merriam-WEBSTER: http://www.m-w.com/store/books_and_cds.h...
peeling skin
Good Skit?
The students in my class-inluding-me have been given an assignment to write and perform a skit that is at least 3-6 min. long. The topic chosen by my group is Love and Marriage in the Middle Ages. I wrote this skit, and i was wondering if it is good? What can I do to improve? Please and thank you! P.S. due to the time constraints all of the details such as the marriage ceremony itself is not perfect.
Skit Outline
Topic: Medieval Love and Marriage
Scene 1
Setting: Jesse and Evangeline sneak out to a tiny tent belonging to Jesse in Lord Cadman’s manor to talk.
Evangeline: Jesse, I have some terrible news. I am afraid that my bitter, envious mother had already made my marital arrangements, and it is no one you are going to like.
Jesse: What are you talking about my love?
Evangeline: (sounding sad and angry) I have to be bethrowed to no other than your Lord, Cadman; the same Lord Cadman who owns this very manor. He is certainly the wealthiest, cruelest, being alive.
Jesse: (freaking out) What are we to do? Is there no way to tell your parents we are in love? Would you like to elope? I shall do anything to please you as long as we shall be together.
Evangeline: I am afraid there is nothing we can do. You know how marriages these days work. We women have no choice! We mustn’t tell anyone of our affair for they may kill you! It is best we do not see each other very often. It will certainly help me trying to move on. How shall I ever love another man?
End of Scene
Scene 2
The wedding takes place in a highly decorated church.
The Priest: (speaking to everyone in church) Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honorable estate, instituted of God in Paradise, and into which holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined. Therefore if any man can shew any just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace.
(speaking to Lord Cadman) Lord Cadman, wilt thou have this Woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together after God%26#039;s ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor, and keep her, in sickness and in health; and forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?
Lord Cadman: I will
Priest: (speaking to Evangeline) Wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou obey him, and serve him, love, honor, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?
Evangeline: (crying/sobbing) I will
Priest: Who giveth this Woman to be married to this Man?
Kathleen: I do
Kathleen places Evangeline’s right hand in the hand of the minister then sits back down
The Priest places Evangeline’s right hand in Lord Cadman’s and follows after the priest
Lord Cadman and Priest: I Lord Cadman take thee Lady Evangeline of Ireland to my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, till death us depart, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereunto I plight thee my troth.
Lord Cadman places his right hand in Evangeline’s
Evangeline and Priest: I Lady Evangeline of Ireland take thee Lord Cadman to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, till death us depart, according to God’s holy ordinance, and thereunto I plight thee my troth.
Cadman shall give one ring to Evangeline and give the a duplicate as well as a book to the Priest
Priest: (blessing rings) Bless these Rings, O merciful Lord, that those who wear them, that give and receive them, may be ever faithful to one another, remain in your peace, and live and grow old together in your love, under their own vine and fig tree, and seeing their children%26#039;s children. Amen.
Priest gives ring to Cadman and Cadman places the ring on Evangeline’s fourth finger, holds the ring and says:
Cadman: With this Ring I thee wed, (here placing it upon her thumb) and (here placing it upon her index finger) (here placing it upon her ring finger) In the Name of the Father, Amen.
Then join bride and grooms hands
Priest: I now pronounce thee Man and Wife
(speaking to bride and groom) Those whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder.
Cadman: (exiting) Come, let us all fill our bellies with the successfully harvested food!
Scene 3
Evangeline: (packing her things to leave as her voice reads the letter in the background-by recording her voice)
Letter: Dear Jesse, life here has been horrible. There has never been a day where you haven’t been in my thoughts. Every time I see that darned Cadman’s face I want to vomit and deeply wish for your comfort. How can I fall in love with a groom who was chosen for me like so many others do, when I am in love with you? If you were at the wedding you would have been fooled by his false smiles and fake laughs just as anyone else would have; but it only takes a week and a half for a human being to be truly disgusted with him.
Lord Cadman storms in
Cadman: (rudely) Meet me in the parlor in twenty minutes!
Finishing Letter: I do not think I can play this game any longer, which is why I have decided we should elope. Maybe I am being foolish or crazy to flee from a powerful man’s home, but it is best that I follow my heart. I will come to you with the little I have, since I will not accept any belongings Lord Cadman bestowed upon me. I have only my wedding dress as well as my filthy gown which has grown too small. Jewelry, shoes, nightgowns, these were all things I had before, but now I am left with nothing. The other wives weren’t exaggerating when they said husbands controlled their wives. I shall see you soon one way or another. Love, Evangeline.
Holding up “One Week Later” sign
Evangeline: Oh I can’t wait to see Jesse! I am so furious at Lord Cadman to whom I am betrothed!
Good Skit?
This Shi* is so cash.
Reply:thats really good!
i hate doing stuff like that :/
Reply:I think its pretty good but its sorta cheesy especially the lines. Like i noe its a school skit and everything but make ppl say things more realiztic and don%26#039;t use the same words over and over again. Also i think this is very long for a 3-6 minute skit .
performing arts network
Skit Outline
Topic: Medieval Love and Marriage
Scene 1
Setting: Jesse and Evangeline sneak out to a tiny tent belonging to Jesse in Lord Cadman’s manor to talk.
Evangeline: Jesse, I have some terrible news. I am afraid that my bitter, envious mother had already made my marital arrangements, and it is no one you are going to like.
Jesse: What are you talking about my love?
Evangeline: (sounding sad and angry) I have to be bethrowed to no other than your Lord, Cadman; the same Lord Cadman who owns this very manor. He is certainly the wealthiest, cruelest, being alive.
Jesse: (freaking out) What are we to do? Is there no way to tell your parents we are in love? Would you like to elope? I shall do anything to please you as long as we shall be together.
Evangeline: I am afraid there is nothing we can do. You know how marriages these days work. We women have no choice! We mustn’t tell anyone of our affair for they may kill you! It is best we do not see each other very often. It will certainly help me trying to move on. How shall I ever love another man?
End of Scene
Scene 2
The wedding takes place in a highly decorated church.
The Priest: (speaking to everyone in church) Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honorable estate, instituted of God in Paradise, and into which holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined. Therefore if any man can shew any just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace.
(speaking to Lord Cadman) Lord Cadman, wilt thou have this Woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together after God%26#039;s ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor, and keep her, in sickness and in health; and forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?
Lord Cadman: I will
Priest: (speaking to Evangeline) Wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou obey him, and serve him, love, honor, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?
Evangeline: (crying/sobbing) I will
Priest: Who giveth this Woman to be married to this Man?
Kathleen: I do
Kathleen places Evangeline’s right hand in the hand of the minister then sits back down
The Priest places Evangeline’s right hand in Lord Cadman’s and follows after the priest
Lord Cadman and Priest: I Lord Cadman take thee Lady Evangeline of Ireland to my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, till death us depart, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereunto I plight thee my troth.
Lord Cadman places his right hand in Evangeline’s
Evangeline and Priest: I Lady Evangeline of Ireland take thee Lord Cadman to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, till death us depart, according to God’s holy ordinance, and thereunto I plight thee my troth.
Cadman shall give one ring to Evangeline and give the a duplicate as well as a book to the Priest
Priest: (blessing rings) Bless these Rings, O merciful Lord, that those who wear them, that give and receive them, may be ever faithful to one another, remain in your peace, and live and grow old together in your love, under their own vine and fig tree, and seeing their children%26#039;s children. Amen.
Priest gives ring to Cadman and Cadman places the ring on Evangeline’s fourth finger, holds the ring and says:
Cadman: With this Ring I thee wed, (here placing it upon her thumb) and (here placing it upon her index finger) (here placing it upon her ring finger) In the Name of the Father, Amen.
Then join bride and grooms hands
Priest: I now pronounce thee Man and Wife
(speaking to bride and groom) Those whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder.
Cadman: (exiting) Come, let us all fill our bellies with the successfully harvested food!
Scene 3
Evangeline: (packing her things to leave as her voice reads the letter in the background-by recording her voice)
Letter: Dear Jesse, life here has been horrible. There has never been a day where you haven’t been in my thoughts. Every time I see that darned Cadman’s face I want to vomit and deeply wish for your comfort. How can I fall in love with a groom who was chosen for me like so many others do, when I am in love with you? If you were at the wedding you would have been fooled by his false smiles and fake laughs just as anyone else would have; but it only takes a week and a half for a human being to be truly disgusted with him.
Lord Cadman storms in
Cadman: (rudely) Meet me in the parlor in twenty minutes!
Finishing Letter: I do not think I can play this game any longer, which is why I have decided we should elope. Maybe I am being foolish or crazy to flee from a powerful man’s home, but it is best that I follow my heart. I will come to you with the little I have, since I will not accept any belongings Lord Cadman bestowed upon me. I have only my wedding dress as well as my filthy gown which has grown too small. Jewelry, shoes, nightgowns, these were all things I had before, but now I am left with nothing. The other wives weren’t exaggerating when they said husbands controlled their wives. I shall see you soon one way or another. Love, Evangeline.
Holding up “One Week Later” sign
Evangeline: Oh I can’t wait to see Jesse! I am so furious at Lord Cadman to whom I am betrothed!
Good Skit?
This Shi* is so cash.
Reply:thats really good!
i hate doing stuff like that :/
Reply:I think its pretty good but its sorta cheesy especially the lines. Like i noe its a school skit and everything but make ppl say things more realiztic and don%26#039;t use the same words over and over again. Also i think this is very long for a 3-6 minute skit .
performing arts network
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